That Every Word May Be Confirmed
Matthew 18:15-20
One of the hardest things for me to grasp and include in my ministerial tool kit is the art of the pastor’s “poker face.” This is the pastoral posture of listening and not immediately sharing my personal position. It’s actually really important as there are many occasions in ministry where I am called to simply listen through the mix and not speak fully. This is has never been easy for me. As you probably know by now I tend to tell it like it is, at least from my perspective. I was born with the inclination to share exactly what is in my heart. It wasn’t uncommon for me to get into a bit of trouble for being too blunt when I was growing up. And I was never good at the games required of dating. I would just tell the person that I liked him and that was that. What he did with the information was up to him. So imagine my surprise when I learned that great pastors are supposed to have mastered the art of the poker face. We are supposed to prayerfully preside and to avoid the need to share where we stand. I have used this tool on many occasions. But in my ministry thus far, it seems to me that part of faithfully pastoring is also to model what it looks like to speak from our hearts, knowing that we won’t always agree and learning to face the consequences that arise from the differences.
This what Jesus speaks about in the Gospel of Matthew and it is extremely difficult. He tells us how to confront someone whom we believed has hurt us in word or deed. Even if we are able to share our own personal truth, many of us find the next steps to be excruciating. What if the individual becomes angry or conflict ensues? What if our relationship is strained or everything is changed? Most of us would rather sit with what we know than face the full range of unknown possibilities. But according to what we hear from Jesus, being faithful means that we must live together this way. If we are to be all that we can be with our God, there is simply no other way. Perhaps we can chalk this up as yet another tenet of Christian life that would be easier left untried. And again we have few models of loving conversation of this kind. Most television dramas about the workplace offer just two options. Either confront the person with anger and a fabulously contentious scene unfolds or say nothing and stew in it for years. I think of the movie, Office Space. Milton one of the characters is laid off, but no one has the guts or courtesy to tell him, so they just stop paying him and he keeps coming to work wondering why he hasn’t been paid. This is an extreme example but it illustrates how many of us would rather sit our anger or avoid conflict than to come to it head on. Neither of these are faithful, yet both of them are much easier than speaking the truth in love.
As you might imagine, this behavior is not new, which is why Jesus took the time to talk about it. Human beings have been taking the easy way out since God breathed us to life. And Jesus knew both how human we are and how important it is to call us beyond our mere humanity- to call us to a more faithful way of living. In the Gospel of Matthew we find Jesus talking with his disciples about the topic of having conversations in difficult circumstances. At the start of chapter 18, the disciples come to Jesus asking, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" At this point in his ministry among them, the disciples should have known the answer. Of course it is the last and the least, the left off, left out, labeled as left over.
But Jesus doesn’t mock them or respond sarcastically. Instead he buckles down and gets to it. He probably thought that if they were asking him such a question as this, he better lay out some instructions, real clear instructions for how to live. He tells them of the importance of tending to the vulnerable, of children and those who are lost and then he tells them about speaking in love and truth. Jesus gives them the real stuff and calls them to be more than they are naturally inclined to be without him. Deanna Langle writes, “Jesus pushes the disciples to think, to listen and to be accountable to others for the power they hold.” Hear again what Jesus says, 15“If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”
These instructions are simple, but few of us are able to follow them. Those of us who have hitched our star to finding God in the humanness of the Christian church can proclaim how difficult this really is. Jesus goes on to tell us that if bringing our question, our wondering and pain to the source doesn’t work, we need to bring someone with us and try again, “so that every word may be confirmed...” Jesus knew this would not be easy as he tells us this work is holy; this is kingdom work we’re talking about, “whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven…” This requires courage and faith…and yet nothing less than God’s realm is at stake. If it wasn’t holy work, we could easily dismiss it. But being the church together means that we are living with people whom God has brought to us, we are living with people whom God has asked us to love.
So what might it look like if we took these words from Jesus seriously? What if we dared to become a community of faith that lived and loved this way? What would it look like for us to only express that which we would be comfortable saying before the church? What would it look like to be committed together to following Jesus’ steps to holy conversation? As we have walked our Lenten journey together, we have explored Christian disciplines that will serve as our foundation together, prayer, Bible study, mission and today speaking the truth in love. So, here is the scripture broken down. If one of your brothers and sisters in Christ has hurt you here are four steps.
One: Keep the matter confidential. Much of what we do here is intimate and tender; the very manner by which we serve God together is vulnerable. Sharing the problem only with those directly involved creates a safe space for confidentiality and faithfulness.
Two: Keep the circle small. Jesus tells us to first take it up with just the person whom you believe is the source. Often it will end here because all involved were invited to let go and let God in.
Three: Be straightforward. Speak the truth in love as Jesus says and say it straight out. It is harder in the beginning, but more faithful in the long run. Jesus tells us to be forthright and to love honestly. Reconciliation can only come when the real experience is shared in the open.
Four: Be forgiving. Jesus said, “If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.” Assuming the best of our brothers and sisters in Christ and making space for God, returns us to wholeness.
As I look ahead to the places God is pulling us, calling us and leading us, I believe that this commitment should be at the core of our life together. God wants us to be whole as individual people of faith and whole as a church. As you come forward for communion, I invite you to sign the matting that will go around this scripture. If our hearts are woven together in truth filled love, if our words are confirmed before God and one another, there is nothing we can’t do. Amen.
A Careful Read (Matt. 18:15-20) by Deanna Langle This article appeared in The Christian Century, August 23, 2005, p.16