Losing to Save

Mark 8:  31-38

For the season of Lent here we are exploring together some of the habits that we are invited to take on during our journey toward the cross and the tomb and the joy of Sunday morning that is Easter.  Last week, we started with making time for God and I must say that I actually made time for God this week.  Sometimes I preach a word that I need to hear myself.  Today, we are exploring forgiveness together, which is one of those habits and spiritual disciplines that is extremely difficult for most of us.  The scripture for this morning does not actually mention forgiveness explicitly, but it reminds us of what Jesus will go through and the role his friends and followers take in the events that transpire, events that later include forgiveness.  When we meet him, he is engaged in one of his mini speeches to those around him and anyone who will listen.

There is so much about life that separates us.  We are separated by our gender, our age, our race, our class, our level of education and with whom we choose to partner.  We are separated by our political stances, our use of technology and our social circles.  Indeed there is so much that separates us as human beings.  And yet no matter where we grew up and no matter the kind of life that we have had up until this moment, all of us, each and every one of us has experienced pain.  For some of us it is come in the form of deep grief in the loss of one we have loved, for others of us it has come in the form of depression or divorce, addiction or terminal illness, infidelity or infertility.  With all that separates us, pain is a common ache we share.  Each and every one of us, at some point in our lives, have felt that stomach churning wrenching that not even a yearning poet can define.  We have all been stung by words or felt deeply the wound of action and inaction- the darkness of loss, the shadows of grief, and the piercing force of pain.  Pain is an experience that even the most distant of souls share in common.

But for the most part, pain is not something we talk about, at least not our own pain.  It is not something we share openly or offer outside of our circles of safety.  Pain is not something for which we request prayers unless it is for other people.  We have decided that pain is something to hold and to hide, something to shelter beneath the layers of life we build.  But as much as we disguise it, friends the cat is out of the bag, not one of us can escape it.  Pain finds each and every one of us.

And for some of us, pain finds us and overwhelms us; it takes on a life of its own and begins to pulse through us so powerfully that we find it hard to imagine living without it.  It seems that when this pain is the result of words or actions from another person, it can be nearly impossible to let go of.  Pain caused by another, is the kind that can reduce even the strongest spirit or weigh down the human heart. 

And I suspect that Jesus knew this deeply human truth.  He knew that being alive means experiencing pain.  But unlike us, Jesus wanted to talk about his pain:  the pain of living outside of the grasp of love, the pain of living with illness or demons, the pain of living without family, the pain of living outside the Temple walls, the pain that comes with following God all the way to the cross.  Maybe he wanted to be real, to be open about the aches of his heart.  And so in the Gospel of Mark today he gets right to it and says that he will suffer, that he will be rejected, that he will be killed for who he is and what he says and who he loves.  In fact, after he says this to Peter, he invites those who were standing around to come closer.  Come closer, he says and hear this, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

He says that whatever it is that is our pain to carry, carry it with him.  But Jesus doesn’t end there.  He does not tell us of suffering and loss, only to leave us to fend for ourselves.  He does not warn us that a life of loving him could in fact lead us to more pain and end it there.  Instead he says, “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.”  He said this in the company of the one who lost his love for his own gain.  He said these words in front of Peter.  Peter was surely one of Jesus’ closest followers and friends.  Peter is the friend that Jesus can get real with.  Jesus spares all of the niceties and tells it like it is with Peter.  When Peter ticks him off, Jesus calls him Satan, which isn’t as terrible as it sounds.  But it isn’t warm and fuzzy either.  Jesus is basically calling Peter out on his behavior, calling him “the adversary” of the bunch and telling him to shape up.  It is only possible to be this truthful with a real friend, you know those friends that love you enough to hold you accountable for the person that you say you want to be.  That was Peter for Jesus and it was in front of him that Jesus said, “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.” 

Peter probably dismissed these words at the time.  He was probably still fuming at being referred to as Satan.  But I wonder if Jesus said them right then, knowing what was ahead, knowing that one of his most loved friends would be the one to turn him in, to deny that he knew him, to give him over to the pain that was waiting for him.  Peter is the one who denies Jesus three times and loses his soul to gain his life.  And I wonder if after he did this to his dearest friend, I wonder if Peter thought of Jesus’ words, “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.”  Peter probably counted himself among the righteous.  He probably thought that he had things all figured out.  He probably believed that Jesus’ message was for those people, the rest of the world who is hurting and hungry for God.  That is until that moment…that day when he hurt his friend with three nos.  “No I do not know this Jesus of Nazareth.”  And with those words Jesus was turned over to death.  It was in Peter’s deep pain that he understood what it was that Jesus was talking about.  It was in his deep pain that he understood God’s mercy.  It was in his deep pain that he knew for the very first time what it would mean to be held forever captive by what he had done, by the words that he said and the heart that he broke.  On that day, Peter knew as closely as his own breathing his need for grace.  In the words of Joseph Small, “God’s mercy is given to sinners, not reserved for the righteous, God’s strength is exposed in weakness, not displayed in power; God’s wisdom is veiled in parable and paradox, not set out in self help maxims; God’s life is disclosed in death.”  Maybe the heart of God is revealed fully in pain.

The God that Jesus pointed to is a God whose love is revealed especially in wounded hearts.  And yet with God, pain is not the end.  Pain is not the end, which is probably why Jesus gave voice to his pain.  Saying it aloud takes away some of its power.  Giving words to the pain that Jesus felt started his heart on the path back to wholeness.  Giving words to the pain pointed Jesus’ heart to forgiveness.  Not forgiveness in the form of the empty words of “I am sorry,” but forgiveness like the kind Jesus knew Peter would need.  Forgiveness like the surrender that Jesus showed on the cross, words that bring chills down our spines, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  Forgiveness like the kind that looks pain in the face and says that it will not have the final word.  Forgiveness like the force of a voice that called to Peter when there seemed to be no hope of ever living free of guilt, it is the voice that says God’s mercy is for you.  Forgiveness is not about burying the pain, but about freedom.  And I don’t think Peter understood losing everything to gain it until he saw Jesus on the cross.  I don’t think Peter could see his way beyond the pain of his own doing, until he heard Jesus’ words- words that he knew were for him too.

Jesus said to Peter and to each of us, “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.”  And I wonder if he is talking about forgiveness.  I wonder if Jesus knew the truth about us, the truth that life is hard and lonely, and racked with pain.  Jesus knew that if we are left to fend for ourselves we will wither.  Jesus knew that with God, pain can never reign victorious and so Jesus spoke forgiveness to his pain.  Forgiveness is the disarming power that renders pain helpless.  Forgiveness is the power that brings life out of the shadows.  Forgiveness is the power to surrender and begin again.

The wilderness of Lent reveals the deep reality of the human life:  “faith is not certainty, hope is not optimism and love is not painless.”   And yet the pain that we feel or have felt in our lives does not have to have the final say.  Forgiveness is not about forgetting the pain; it is about choosing to find life through it.  Forgiveness is not a string of words unraveled so that we can say that we are in a different place, instead forgiveness is the place we choose to stand, it is our way of saying that pain cannot have the last word, it is our fragile human attempt to live with courage in the face of heart ache.  Forgiveness is not about giving a gift to those who have wounded us, but about choosing to no longer let the pain determine the next steps that we take.  Jesus knew that pain was a part of being alive, but even as death called to him, he leaned into forgiveness, not just to lose the life he knew he would never have, but to save the cause of love.  It was only in the throes of pain, that Peter longed for life and found forgiveness.  And so for us, if we dare to forgive, pain has no hold on the life unfurling before us and the life God longs for us to have is saved. 

Preaching the Revised Common Lectionary:  Feasting on the Word, Year B, volume 2, Lent through Eastertide.  Eds. David L. Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor.  Mark 8: 31-38, Theological Perspective by Joseph D. Small