I Have Seen the Lord
John 20: 1-18
Have you ever been lost? Today Mary is lost. To her, in this moment, when she goes to find Jesus and instead finds nothing, she can only feel darkness. She thought that the sun could never rise again without him.
But she went to the tomb anyway. She had to. She had to go to his body, the last vessel through which his holy life pulsed. She stumbled through the black of the morning, through the cobbled side streets stained with human betrayal; through the roosters crowing and the cries of her heart…she stumbled through the din of death ringing through her. She wanted to come sooner, but it was the Sabbath and she was faithful. She waited until the sun went down and there was nothing but darkness. Her heart was racing, nearly pounding out of her chest, beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she ran. She ran to the place where he was. She longed to touch him, to anoint him, to sit with him, to sit with what was left of him, to feel even just a piece of what she felt when she was with him. She felt so full, so alive. And she thought that even the sight of what was left of him might be enough.
But the tomb was not as she thought it would be, the stone was rolled away, no body, no Jesus, no way for her to say good bye… She couldn’t think; she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t stop; she ran and ran until she found Peter and the other disciple whom Jesus loved. She could barely get it out; barely bring to life the words she never wanted to say, “They have taken away my Lord.” She meant to say that his body was gone, but her words said the truth of her heart. “They have taken away my Lord.” They took away her Lord, her light, her life. She thought that it would be the end for her too.
She was alone before him, outside of God’s love, she thought. It was Jesus who brought her to life when he cast demons out of her and healed her. He brought her to life by inviting her to follow to join to seek God along with him. He brought her to life when he said her name. She is the only woman besides his mom that is mentioned by name in all four of our Gospels. Mary. Mary. With him she had a name; with him she was somebody, someone whom God loved.
She didn’t know who she was without him. She had come alive with him. He had quenched her thirsty spirit and fed her weary soul, brought light to the shadowy corners of her soul. Before him, nothing but darkness and now darkness returned. The two disciples left her there. All that remained was a pile of cloth and a stack of unanswered questions. But she stayed there and cried.
But just when she feels hopeless, just when Mary feels like the world will never be light again, the voice of angels come to her. “Woman, why are you weeping?” In her mountain of darkness she must have been shocked by the question. Of course she was crying, crying for all that she had lost, all that the world had lost. “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.”
Mary is lost. She was stuck in the terror of the cross, stuck in the tomb, looking for him in the Good Friday places. But he was there. He was there, standing there, but she didn’t see him; she didn’t recognize him. She didn’t recognize him because who would? In Mary’s world the Empire rules. No human heart could stand up to Rome. But that is until this day. Today everything is different. Everything she saw and knew and felt no longer applies. Jesus is there. Today God has said enough. Today God’s love is real.
And then Jesus says her name. Mary. Mariva (Maria) “Rebellion” in Hebrew. Mary, who had been in the dark before him. Mary, when he said her name, he freed her. Mary from his lips meant beloved of God, child of the light. When he said her name, she knew it was him.
And she jumps to him; she grabs him and tries to hold him. She thought that’s what he wanted. She thought that he was here again for her, for all of them to be with him, to surround him, to hold onto him. But he says that she can’t. He says, “Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father.” But that’s all she wants to do is hold onto him, she wants to hold onto Jesus.
Isn’t that what we all want? We are so much like Mary. We want things to be just like they always have. We want our routine to stay the same. We want our comfortable world to remain in tact. But today is Easter and after today everything is different. Today, we are invited to let go and look around, so as we begin to let our hearts go with Jesus, turn to the person next to you and connect your ribbon to theirs…
As much as we want to be like Mary, we cannot hold onto Jesus. That is not what he is about. We cannot keep our Jesus and try to keep things as they are. He says to us, can’t you see? Today everything is different. We can’t help but to be changed. Today is the first day of a new beginning, the first day of letting go and letting God. Today is the first day where we remember what Jesus told us, that we will have to be his hands now. Jesus tells us that we cannot grab him and pull him to where we are, instead on this day, on this Easter day, we must let him grab us and take us where he is going… He asked us to go with him, but not by ourselves, he asked us to follow him together, so all together pass your row’s ribbon to the center aisle.
It took Mary a while. It took her some time to soak up the fact that finding the tomb empty was not the end, but instead the beginning. It took her a while to remember what he told her. And when Mary finally sees him, when her eyes were opened, she remembers. When she sees him, she knew that the life he gave her could never be taken away. When she sees him, she knew that it was him, she felt in her heart she was somebody, that she was God’s beloved, no exceptions. Like us, at first Mary was confused by Easter, she was lost. But she soon sees that today everything is different. Easter means that she doesn’t need Jesus to be right in front of her, we don’t need Jesus to be present in the way that he was so long ago. We don’t need him to be the way he was because he asked us to be like him for each other.
Eventually, Mary proclaims, “I have seen the Lord!” What does she mean? Easter is our living reminder that Jesus told us all that we need to know. Easter is our living reminder that we see Jesus everyday. Easter is our living reminder that we are now called to be his voice, his hands, his presence in the world around us. Through Easter, because of this day, when we find an empty tomb, we are not lost, instead we have tasted light and life and there is no turning back, we want him to take us where he is going. Now we can say, “I have seen the Lord!” and we don’t mean Jesus, who do we mean? We mean all of us. We will not find Jesus’ in a tomb, we find him in the person next to us, we find him within us, right here. Let all of us join Mary saying, “I have seen the Lord!” but this time we won’t look out there, we will turn to our side and we will say together, “I have seen the Lord!” I have seen the Lord!...And where is the Lord? Right next to you! Christ is Risen!
Because of the risen Christ we are now invited to do what he did and to be his presence among us and so let us join our voices singing together, Bind us together…